Papa's Desires Read online

  As one of the oldest girls at Talcott House, she should know the answers to these questions, but she did not. Frankly until she saw the dreamy look on Cammie's face after her examination from Nurse Lister, Cynny had had no interest in what happened between papas and their little girls. But there was no denying that something very interesting had happened to Cammie and based upon her letter, those sorts of things continued to happen after marriage. Cynny had to know.

  She checked her reflection in the mirror and smiled. Although her beauty had brought her much unwanted attention when she had been upon the streets, which Mary had always saved her from, now that she was to be a bride she was grateful that she had something to bring with her into the marriage. She was well aware that she had no dowry or trousseau of fine clothing, not even a family or a good reputation to bring with her. Her beauty was her only and finest gift.

  And the gold pocket watch.

  Her heart still fluttered when she thought about the daringness of stealing Lord Grayson's watch. She had, in her private moments, taken it out from its hiding place and caressed it in her hand, thinking about Lord Grayson’s long elegant fingers doing the same, winding the knob at the top, opening the case to check the time. She told herself she enjoyed holding the watch and looking at it because it was to be a gift for her husband. But if that was the case, why was it that she only thought about Lord Grayson in those times?

  All of Cynny’s worldly possessions were stored in two large steamer trunks standing in the corner of the room, the gold pocket watch tucked safely between the layers of her infrequently worn undergarments, where Cynny felt it was least likely to be seen by anyone before she arrived at her new home and presented it to her papa.

  New home. Her heart sunk as she glanced around the room she shared with Rosie and Daisy. No one had come yet to fill Cammie’s place and as far as Cynny was concerned no one ever could. She would miss the fun times that she had had here with Cammie and Rosie and Daisy.

  Maybe once she was married she would have a chance to see Cammie. Cynny could hardly believe that her friend was now Lady Cavendish. What was even more surprising was that she was about to become Lady Kensington. Both of them ladies!

  The sound of a carriage rolling up the lane drew Cynny, Rosie and Daisy to the window where they peeked from behind the curtains.

  “Oh,” Daisy said in hushed tones, “what a beautiful carriage.” She glanced over at Cynny. “I hope Miss Wickersham finds a lord to be my papa too.”

  “Hush!” Rosie said, giving Daisy a swat on the arm.

  The footmen and driver were in their finest livery and the harnesses for the horses were adorned with silver polished so shiny it almost hurt Cynny’s eyes. It was like transportation for a princess.

  Her tummy flipped and flopped as a footman jumped from the back of the carriage and ran to open the door. Cynny held her breath as she waited to catch a glimpse of her papa. One elegant leg was visible, followed by the rest of a very attractive man dressed in wedding finery. He glanced up at Talcott House and smiled. Cynny and her friends quickly ducked away from his view.

  “Do you think he saw us?” Daisy asked in a loud whisper.

  “I thought I told you to hush.” Rosie glared at Daisy. Cynny had to wonder how those two would survive now that she and Cammie would not be there to keep the peace between them. Rosie and Daisy squabbled and argued like sisters, but they loved each other like sisters too.

  Cynny made her way to the window and stole another peek at her soon-to-be husband. He was handsome and had a kindly manner about him, which was obvious even from her perch two stories up. But, she noted with a bit of confusion and sadness, he did not give her that funny tingly feeling that she had gotten when she talked to—or thought about—Lord Grayson.

  “He is quite handsome,” Rosie said, joining Cynny as they peeked out the window. “I am sure he will make a wonderful papa for you.”

  Their attention was drawn from the window when the door to their room opened and Miss Wickersham entered. She looked a bit frazzled and moved about more briskly than usual.

  “Oh my dear Hyacinth,” she said, “you are an absolutely beautiful bride, as I always knew you would be.” She adjusted Cynny’s veil and then her palm rested upon Cynny’s cheek in a maternal caress.

  “Thank you, Miss Wickersham,” Hyacinth said, a light blush working its way up her neck and across her cheeks.

  “Ladies,” Miss Wickersham said addressing Rosie and Daisy, “would you please excuse us for a moment as I would like to speak with Hyacinth alone.”

  “Yes, Miss Wickersham,” Daisy and Rosie said in unison, giving a small curtsy to their headmistress as they made their way to the door.

  Miss Wickersham took both Hyacinth’s hands in hers and clasped them warmly. “As you know,” she said, “Nurse Lister usually gives the brides-to-be an examination and talk about their duties as a wife. Sadly Nurse Lister has come down with a cold and cannot leave her rooms. So the task of teaching you about the ways of married people has fallen to me. Of course, I will not give you any sort of medical examination as that is Nurse Lister's province and we have a strict agreement that I will not interfere in her methods, even when she is unable to participate herself.”

  Cynny had a mental picture of a dreamy-eyed Cammie returning from her examination and though she was sorry Nurse Lister was ill, she could not help but feel slighted. And very curious.

  “But that does not prevent me from sharing with you the information that you will need to be a good and pleasing bride for your papa.”

  A heated blush spread across her face until her forehead felt as though she might have even developed a fever. She was desperate for the information which Miss Wickersham was about to share with her but she was also morbidly humiliated at the idea of the intimate details which the discussion might involve. More than anything, Hyacinth feared her own lack of knowledge. How could she be pleasing to her papa when she had little idea what happened in the marital bedchamber? Furthermore, she was so uninformed she did not even know what questions she needed to ask.

  If your papa is anything like mine, he will probably like to touch you and kiss you all over your body. Sometimes your papa might even put his mouth on your kitty.

  Cynny flushed as she recalled another snippet from Cammie’s letter. Why would a papa put his mouth on her kitty? To kiss it? Or perhaps, to lick it?

  The two of them moved to sit upon Hyacinth’s bed.

  “There are many things which a young bride needs to know to be a proper wife for her papa,” Miss Wickersham said. “Here at Talcott House we have endeavored to teach you all those skills—deportment, posture, good manners, singing, drawing, household management. But the one piece of information which we have kept as a secret from all of you is the nature of the relationship between a man and a woman, of a husband and wife, of a papa and his little girl.”

  Hyacinth stared at the floor. Already this conversation had made a fluttery feeling start in her tummy and she felt funny in her kitty too.

  “This is because the men who seek out brides from Talcott House are looking for wives who are not worldly and wise. They seek innocent, sweet girls whom they can teach themselves about the ways of men and women. Do you understand, Hyacinth?”

  “Yes, but please, Miss Wickersham, I must know. Please, you must tell me.”

  “I will endeavor to tell you as much as I can, Hyacinth, but know that your papa will wish to do the majority of the teaching himself.”

  “But what if I do not know what to do?” Hyacinth asked, panic rising in her chest.

  “Now, Hyacinth,” Miss Wickersham said, patting her arm, “I am sure your papa will prefer that you not be too well informed in the ways of the world. It would not do for a young lady to be too familiar with marriage practices.”

  It was on the tip of Hyacinth’s tongue to beg for more information, especially to ask what a cock looked like and exactly how large it was, but the conversation was interrupted by the sound of ano
ther carriage arriving at the front of Talcott House.

  “How strange,” Miss Wickersham said as she stood to investigate. “Lord Kensington did not indicate that he was expecting additional guests for the wedding.”

  Cynny followed closely behind Miss Wickersham and again saw an elaborate carriage come to a halt in front of Talcott House’s front door. Before the conveyance had stopped moving, one of the footmen had left his post at the rear of the carriage and ran to open the door, only to be nearly knocked to the ground when the door was opened by the occupant who bounded out the carriage and up the front steps of Talcott House in what appeared to be one smooth and eager movement.

  “Good heavens, whatever can he be doing here? And today of all days.” Miss Wickersham’s words echoed Cynny’s panicked thoughts.

  Lord Grayson had arrived at Talcott House.

  Chapter 7

  Before the door closed behind Miss Wickersham, Rosie and Daisy entered and joined Cynny at the window.

  Cynny was grateful for the distraction as her thoughts had gone immediately to the pocket watch she had pinched from Lord Grayson a few days earlier. Had he realized where it had gone missing and come here to retrieve it—and have her arrested and carried off to prison? A shiver of terror ran up her spine. Her eyes darted about the room, her mind whirling with escape plans.

  “Is that not the gentleman you were speaking with in the garden last week?” Rosie asked. “He is certainly handsome. Why do you suppose he has returned?”

  “You would not even tell us his name or what you spoke about,” Daisy said, pushing her way in front of the other two to get a better look. “Oh my. He is an attractive man. Do you suppose he has come to call upon you, Cynny?”

  “Of course, not,” Cynny said, though her heart fluttered at the thought. “He knows I am to be wed. In fact, I told him the exact date when we spoke. He is simply a busybody and I have no idea why he would be here at Talcott House so soon. He must have business with Miss Wickersham. He had no appointment the last time he stopped here, clearly he is boorish and rude and cares not for the time or convenience of others.”

  Daisy and Rosie turned to stare at Cynny. “That is rather unkind,” Rosie said.

  “You never say mean things,” Daisy added.

  “Well, he simply got on my bad side, I suppose.” Cynny had no response for her uncharacteristic pique. Something about Lord Grayson brought out unexpected feelings in her.

  “Who is that man?” Daisy pointed out the window and the others looked as well.

  “He looks very serious.”

  “Is that a pistol in his hand?”

  Oh mercy. Cynny’s knees wobbled, though she managed to make her way to her bed and shakily sat upon it. The constable. Lord Grayson had brought the constable along. She would be arrested and taken to prison. She would never become a bride, or a lady, or anything other than a miserable criminal who spent the rest of her days at hard labor.

  Ironic, was it not? She had spent her early years as a criminal and despite all of Miss Wickersham’s efforts, she would end her days paying for her crimes.

  She was the most loathsome, ungrateful person on the face of the earth. And soon, everyone would know the truth about her.

  Daisy and Rosie continued to stare out the window. “Oh, I believe the man with the pistol might be more handsome than the other man. Honestly, Cynny will you not at least tell us his name?”

  “Grayson,” she said, her voice shaking. “He is Lord Grayson. I have no idea who the other man is.” She could not force herself to speak her deepest belief and fear, that the man with the pistol was there to take her into custody.

  “They are inside now,” Daisy said, heading for the door to the hallway. “I am going to find out what is happening. What an exciting day.”

  “Cynny, are you unwell?” Rosie clasped Cynny’s hand. “You are positively clammy. Shall I get Nurse Lister?”

  “She is indisposed,” Cynny replied. Besides, there was nothing in Nurse Lister’s arsenal of remedies that would heal what ailed Cynny. A dark cloud of dread fell over her.

  Rosie went to a pitcher on a table and brought Cynny a drink of water. Cynny sipped the liquid, though it tasted like vinegar on her lips.

  “I am sure it is simply a matter of pre-wedding jitters,” Cynny said in an attempt to distract Rosie. “Would you mind giving me a few minutes alone? I should like to gather my thoughts before I become a bride.”

  “Yes, of course.”

  With a bit of relief Cynny watched as Rosie opened the door. As soon as she was alone, Cynny intended to make a run for it, though where she would go or what she would do, she had no idea. All she knew was that no good could come from staying at Talcott House one moment longer.

  Before Rosie could make her exit, Daisy came rushing back into the room, pigtails flying, face flushed.

  “Cynny, you must come. They are talking about you in Miss Wickersham’s study and the men are shouting. Lord Grayson says he will not leave the premises without you!”

  Too late. There was no escape.

  “Lord Grayson, I thought I made it clear to you on your last unannounced visit that Talcott House is not a continuous open door for the whims of callers, regardless of their social rank.”

  Through the tiny hole in the floor of a closet above the headmistress’s study, Hyacinth saw Miss Wickersham’s eyes shoot daggers at Lord Grayson from across the room. And rightfully so, Cynny thought. He was the most arrogant, pushy man she had ever encountered. But even lying prone on the hard wooden floor, she could not help but notice the twinges in the area between her thighs. She squeezed her thighs together and pressed against the floor seeking relief. Yet again, she lamented Nurse Lister’s illness and the hands of fate which had prevented Cynny from finding out about her special treasure.

  “Let me see,” Daisy said, pushing Cynny out of the way.

  “Hush,” Rosie said, taking hold of Daisy’s shoulder. “This is about Cynny, not you.”

  The closet was crowded with the three of them in there. Only a few of the girls at Talcott House knew about the spy hole, better to keep the secret that way, though the fact that chatterbox Daisy had not spilled the beans about it continued to amaze Hyacinth. She might have preferred to be alone while finding out about Lord Grayson’s horrid plans for her, but she took comfort in being near her two friends. Right now, they were a little too near, but it could not be helped. Even for petite girls, three in a small closet was crowded. But, the drama unfolding in Miss Wickersham’s study was too delicious for them not to share. Besides, by the time she convinced the two of them to leave her alone to learn her fate, she would have missed the entire scene as it played out.

  It occurred to Cynny that after she was hauled off to jail, she would never see Rosie and Daisy again. This would be her last memory of them. Her throat tightened up and she pulled away from the peephole and gathered her two friends close in a long hug. “I am going to miss you both.” She almost wished she had never lived at Talcott House. Never got her hopes up that the future could be better. Never made friends. At least then she would not know what she missed out on in life.

  Oh, what would Cammie say when she found out about Hyacinth’s arrest? Would it be in the newspaper?

  “We will miss you too,” Rosie said as she pulled out of Cynny’s embrace. “But, you will write to us, just like Cammie does, will you not? And maybe Miss Wickersham will find papas for me and Daisy someday and we will be able to call on you like proper ladies do.”

  Cynny had a heartbreaking vision of socializing with her dear friends after they were all married, having tea and discussing the things married ladies talked about, whatever that was.

  But, for her, it was not meant to be.

  Raised voices drew her attention back to the present and she resumed her post, spying on activities down below. “Keep a watch out for Garland. We cannot let her find out about this peephole.”

  Cynny resumed her observation of the happenings in Miss Wicke
rsham’s study. Her whole life depended on the outcome of the loud discussions taking place one floor below.

  “Give me the weapon.” Miss Wickersham stood in front of the man with Lord Grayson, her hand out as though she was demanding contraband from one of her errant students. Cynny gaped, as best she could with one eye pressed to the floor. She had never known Miss Wickersham to back down from anyone, including the young, exuberant constable who had wanted to haul Cynny off to jail when she tried to pick Miss Wickersham’s pocket that fateful day four years ago. But a man with a gun? A seasoned man of the law?

  The constable cut his eyes to Lord Grayson who gave a slight nod of consent. Even the lawman abided by Lord Grayson’s whims. He really was infuriating with his bossy ways. He was even worse than Garland!

  With Lord Grayson’s assent, the lawman laid the pistol in Miss Wickersham’s palm. She promptly locked it in her desk and pocketed the key before turning her attention back to Lord Grayson.

  Cynny raised her face away from the opening and thought for a moment. Without the gun, perhaps Cynny would be able to escape from Lord Grayson and his enforcer. Where would she go?

  She could sell the stolen pocket watch... that would give her enough money to get on her feet, maybe travel to a faraway town and start over again. Maybe as a governess.

  A glimmer of hope flickered in her chest.

  She would need to get out of the closet and change her clothes. Traveling in an elaborate wedding gown would draw too much attention. She took a breath and resolved to escape while she could. Resting her hands on the floor, she made to get up from her prone position, but Daisy grabbed her around the back of the neck. “Look,” she whispered, pushing Cynny’s face into the floor.